|
|
|  |
|||
|
It Happened
He was the first man I ever loved. It took me a while to find out that I MARRIED A HOMOSEXUAL
MEETING STEVE
One day, I dropped by Paul's office to surprise him. He wasn't at his desk so I decided to inspect his things. I saw a piece of paper where he had scribbled some numbers. I became curious so I memorized them and dialed them. When somebody answered, I instinctively looked for Steve. I was told to wait. My heart was pounding and I began to shake. I did not wait for Steve to answer and put the phone down. A few days later, I called that number again and finally spoke to Steve. I asked if we could meet and he agreed. The moment I saw Steve I knew he and my husband had a relationship. We talked, and I tried to fish for some information about his relationship with Paul but Steve did not give anything away. He even told me at one point that he had a girlfriend, maybe in an attempt to cover up what was already pretty obvious. I offered Steve a ride home to find out where he lived.
I called Steve frequently after that encounter. I often told him that our marriage was doing okay, and that we were going through counseling sessions so we could finally patch things up and start over. In all subtlety, I requested Steve to stay away from my husband, to leave us alone so that we could repair whatever damage had been done on our marriage. Surprisingly, he agreed. And I thought that was the end of my problems.
TILL DEATH DO US PART
Christmas of 1996 became the turning point of my life with Paul. We were spending that day with his family at his parent's place. I noticed that Paul would disappear from time to time. My sister-in-law happened to pick up the phone but put it down again when she realized Paul was using the extension. When we got home, I confronted Paul about the phone call, the long weekends out of town. He told me it was Steve's number and that he spent those weekends with Steve. I was so outraged when I heard him mention Steve's name again, that I lashed out at his face. I called Steve's pager number and left a message saying my husband and I were going to end our marriage. Then, I asked Paul to leave the house. This time, I no longer cared if I never saw him again.
After Paul left, I tracked down Steve. Together with my sister-in-law and another friend, I went to Ortigas, where Steve's office was located. Before Steve could say anything, I asked him, "Is there still something going on between you and my husband?" He simply said yes. I just cried.
I saw Paul again four days after he left home. By this time, there was no more anger in me but compassion. All I wanted to do was hold him in my arms and tell him how much I loved him. I thought that between the both of us, Paul was suffering more than I was. We went to Tagaytay that day just to be alone and talk things out.
"Do you still love me? Do you still need me? Are you willing to put our lives back to normal?" I asked. When Paul said yes, I told him to stop seeing Steve. And that was when he cried, more for me than himself. I embraced him and said, "I still love you. I'll stay with you no matter what happens because I'm your wife."
It might be hard to believe but again, we got back together and I did stay with him.
END OF THE LINE
During our 10th year anniversary, Paul sat down with me to seriously discuss the annulment of our marriage. He finally admitted that the "gay rape" story he told me was a lie. He actually had a relationship with a gay for two years. It took him this long to tell me because all those years he though that he remained straight. I went to a lawyer to file the annulment and told him the entire story. My lawyer sensed how much I loved my husband and advised me to give ourselves a month to decide. That month was the longest month of my life. In spite of the strong feelings I still had for my husband, I knew I had to let him go, for both our sakes.
Our annulment was finalized last 1997 and I thought that was that. Paul and I were still living together until that time and decided to go on separate ways soon after the annulment came through. It was awkward for me to have to request him to abstain from having any relationship, and for him to let me find a boyfriend first. Looking back, I cannot help but be amazed at how the Lord sustained me all those years. I have no trace of anger or bitterness within me. Only overflowing love. I still love Paul until now, but only as a friend. I shall cherish the life I had with him. I would not be where I am now, I would not have known all about the greater love which is God had it not been for Paul and my experience with him. I also thank the Lord for making me understand that it was necessary for me to go through that trial to become a better person, to learn to hold on to nobody else but Him.
If I died and the Lord gave me a second life, I would choose to go through the same trial all over again. Why? Because I'm one of God's 'favorites'-there are only a few of us blessed to go through such an ordeal and come out victorious in the end, by God's grace. Living fully in the knowledge of the Lord's steadfast love, I confidently proclaim, I can do all things, overcome all trials, in Him who strengthens me (Philippians 4: 13).
|
OTHER FEATURES
Do I Need to Join a Catholic Group to go to Heaven?
ONE LAST STORY: Time of the Jubilee
C O L U M N S
Be Faithful to Who You Are
A Christmas Meditation
Why LSS?
Just for the Record, It's not the Flu
|
