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He was the first man I ever loved. It took me a while to find out that I MARRIED A HOMOSEXUAL
I was only twenty-one years old when I got married. True, I wasn't ready to take the plunge then. Mine was a classic case of coming from a broken family from which I wanted to escape from by getting married to the first guy I fell in love with. I met Paul (not his real name) while I was working for a memorial park. We went to the same office, so naturally, we always bumped into each other in the workplace. What got me hooked was his wit. I had a thing for smart men, you know. Also, I found out that we both loved to sing. We went out on group dates first, and then on steady dates. It wasn't long when we eventually ended up having a mutual understanding. After four months of seeing each other and spending regular time together, I fell deeply in love with him. I was ready to give my life, myself to him. However, I was very worried that our relationship might get too 'physical.' So we decided to get married, just to prevent this from happening. Several months before the wedding, as we were having dinner, Paul revealed something very appalling about his past. He told me that he had been "raped" by a homosexual back in college. At that time, his revelation did not seem significant to me. I told myself that his unfortunate experience had happened in the past, way before he met me. I was madly in love with Paul that I thought of nothing else but the excitement of being married to him. We had a civil wedding in 1986. A year later, we got married in the church. I was determined to make our marriage work, so I did every possible thing to keep our relationship burning, so to speak. After all, I had promised myself that my own marriage and my family would be different from the family I had grown up in. I took care of Paul, I made sure he had everything he needed. I even learned how to cook his favorite dishes. In my effort to please my husband, I literally closed my eyes to anything which could possibly ruin our lovely union. GHOST OF THE PAST
Our life as husband and wife went on quite well during our first year together. During the second year, though, I began to notice a change in our sexual relationship. Sometimes, there would be no physical contact between us for weeks. At first, I thought that was only normal since we were newlyweds. I even justified it as being part of our period of adjustment. On the third year, things got worse. This time, there was no physical contact for up two to three months. I could no longer stand the situation so I mustered enough strength to confront Paul. One day, while we were getting ready for bed, I asked him point blank if he was gay. Of course, Paul denied this. He even reasoned out that the lack of intimacy between us lately was because of pressure from work. I don't know, but somehow, I believed his explanation and didn't bring up the subject again.
On our fourth year, I told Paul I wanted very much to have a baby. I was not getting younger, after all, so I thought it was about time for us to seriously plan our family. Unfortunately, he did not feel the urgency as much as I did. He even said that it was okay if we did not have any children at all! His lack of interest in having children confirmed all the more the suspicions I once had.
SEEKING HELP
By the time we hit our fifth year, I was really having a hard time. It was as if I was the only one exerting all the effort to make the marriage work. So I talked my husband into seeking professional help. Paul agreed so we went to CEFAM for counseling. I thought the counseling was going to be just an overnight thing. But no, we had to go through the process for two years!
The counseling sessions showed that indeed, Paul was undergoing an identity crisis. I confronted him once again, this time asking him to recount the 'gay rape' he had gone through when he was in college. I was expecting the worst possible scenario as Paul explained his 'ordeal,' but all I squeezed out from him was a lame account about he and the gay being 'high' on marijuana and that it happened only once. Nevertheless, I had to take his word for whatever it was worth. However, at the back of my mind, I knew it was all a lie.
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OTHER FEATURES
Do I Need to Join a Catholic Group to go to Heaven?
ONE LAST STORY: Time of the Jubilee C O L U M N S
Be Faithful to Who You Are
A Christmas Meditation
Why LSS?
Just for the Record, It's not the Flu
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