JUST FOR THE RECORD, IT'S NOT THE FLU

Last month I spoke of two types of people. One has volumes to say, while the other helps me keep my eyes on Him. I just met the third kind! This one thinks MS is like having influenza. One meeting, someone used me as an example of being faithful despite sickness. Another person beside me said, "Why not? Mas madali sa iyo maging committed. Wala namang masakit sa iyo. Hindi ka gaanong hirap. Natural, mas malakas ang loob mo. Pero 'yung ibang may sakit diyan, talagang matindi ang sakit nila, talagang hirap sila."

My mouth is always quick on the draw. Ask my kids, they'll be happy to tell you. This time, my jaw dropped. Sometimes, God uses a mild shock to nozzle my mouth.

I've always been uneasy about describing my sickness. Many sick people can't talk about anything else except their sickness, and how unfortunate they are. Or how pitiful. Making the sickness loom bigger and making God look twirpy. So why did that comment disturb me? Do I want my sickness to be - duh - 'more highly regarded'? Not that. I began writing, "Lord, it's a shame they can't see how You've sustained me..." Another letter followed that.

     Dear you,

You can't see grace overflowing, because, to you, it's just the flu! Let me describe some of it's real dimensions. Only because I'm hoping you'll see the mighty hand of the Lord in this thing you've called a virus.

My optic nerves are deteriorated causing certain visual disturbances. Sometimes, I see double. Sometimes, I can't distinguish colors. So take note, never ask me about color matches. Sometimes I have blurred vision. So when you wave at me from afar, I'll wave back but I won't know who you are till you're closer. A black bar floats on my left eye. Everyday. Something that looks like a computer cursor. In order to see or read better, I shift my head from one side to the other. Think this makes me an avid Scripture reader?

MS has deteriorated my ears. Throughout the day, I get shrill microphone-feedback-sounds going on and off. Very distracting.

Pins and needles; what's that? It's what you get when you hit your elbow or when you sit on your leg. No big deal, it's not excruciatingly painful. But very annoying. Something you'd wish would go away. I have pins and needles all over my body right up to the left of my face. All day, all night.

See my walk? My left leg gets disjointed from my hip with increasing frequency. When it comes off the socket and when it's pushed back in, it hurts. On my own, I can't "hold on" to a shoe or a slipper. Normal feet have "suctions." Notice how slippers fly off the feet of toddlers? They haven't developed that "suction." Bet that's something you didn't know. So whenever I wear a shoe, or a slipper, I glue them on. There's not a day I don't glue footwear on me. So when I thank God for fullness of life, don't think of me with the flu, think about me gluing shoes.

Because MS has deteriorated my bladder, I musn't leave the house without a diaper. I end up checking periodically if my diaper has bunched up in the back. Wherever we go, Omy and I check where the bathroom is. I often wonder, will this be the night or day my bowel control goes on a blackout? I carry an emergency bag with extra clothing items, soap, lysol, and paper towels. Do you think this indignity fires up my zeal?

Should I describe this more graphically? The possible accident, embarrasses me. Far easier to stay home, or even just live in my bathroom. But when God calls, I get up and go. Not that I'm thrilled. If I cannot trust Him with this concern, what on earth is trust about?

You think what I have is the flu? Think again. Do you think affliction, per se, calibrates commitment? Having wobbly legs, could I possibly develop a love for mounting stairs? Have I ever demanded that prayer meetings be held on first floors for my sake? Or have I insisted that only parlor games be played at fellowships? Do I feel taken for granted? Am I throwing a pity party for myself now? Not at all!

The first year I had MS, God said, "Do what you can, while you can." Shortly later, a word was put forth at an assembly, "If you had but one leg left to serve Me, would you serve Me?" I wept! I knew I was being addressed. I said, "Yes, Lord... I will serve You even if I have only one foot left to do so." And so - drumroll! - here I am. What you've seen in 14 years, is a response to His specific word. It's not to be proud. It's not to lift myself high above you. Or above others who are sick. This is to let everyone know that the Lord has been my strength and that He has lifted me to the Rock that is higher than I. It's no small thing, what He has done.

PS. Merry Christmas. And it's not the flu, ok?

BACK TO TOP

The Boss
Be Faithful to Who You Are

Bishop's Move
A Christmas Meditation

Prayer Group Workshop
Why LSS?

COVER STORY:
Do I Need to Join a Catholic Group to go to Heaven?

IT HAPPENED:
I Married A Homosexual

ONE LAST STORY:
Time of the Jubilee